A short episode to close up Season Two and give you a ministry update!
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Debi Rooney had an admittedly fairytale life with her husband, three sons, a grandbaby and one on the way. In January 2009, Debi's fairytale life came to an abrupt end when her husband and oldest son died in a tragic plane accident. In an instance, Debi became a grieving widow and a grieving mother. With the peace that only comes from God, Debi shares her testimony of grief and persevering in hope despite deep heartache. She is a powerful witness of God's goodness in overwhelming loss.
Resource Mentioned:
Tears of Gold :: Stories of Hope
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In 2006, Jena Holliday was diagnosed with Lupus at the age of 18. It rocked her world to be hit with such a hefty chronic illness at such a young age. In this episode, Jena shares what she has learned in the last twelve years from her initial diagnosis, to doing life on her own, to surrendering to God, to trusting and praising him despite the diagnosis. Today, Jena's journey and gifts are channeled into her blog Spoonful of Faith where she shares her life as a wife, mother, artist, and follower of God. I was inspired by Jena's testimony of God's faithfulness come what may.
Resources mentioned:
Follow Jena:
Blog: http://www.spoonfuloffaith.com/
Instagram:
Tears of Gold :: Stories of Hope
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Dana Bonilla was already juggling several big life situations (living overseas, married life, a new baby!) when her father's health began to decline. Dana and her husband, Andres, were living in Ecuador with their infant daughter, Naomi, as the family sorted out her father's health concerns. Ultimately being diagnosed with Lewy Body disease, Dana made several trips between the two countries to help manage all the things related to her father's health, care, and estate and ultimate passing. In this episode you'll hear her real reflections of losing a loved one and how God was present in her pain. And now getting to see the beauty of this pain being redeemed in her current role overseas.
Resources Mentioned:
GriefShare seminars and support groups
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What do you do when marriage isn't forever? What do you do when staying becomes unsafe? My friend and guest, "Joan" shares her story about leaving a destructive marriage for her own safety. She opens up about her experience of God and the body of Christ as she wrestled with how to love God and walk a path she never thought she would be walking. With vulnerability, compassion, and authenticity, Joan shares her story of a God who revealed Himself to be bigger than the box she thought He fit in.
Due to the sensitivity of this particular story, Joan is not my guest's real name. She has requested it to be withheld for safety reasons. Although her real name will not be published, Joan has compassionately made herself available to connect with if you find yourself resonating with aspects of the journey she walked on. You may contact me at tearsofgold16@gmail.com and I will facilitate a connection as appropriate.
Resources Mentioned:
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown
Online course by Brene Brown (courses are no longer available as of December 2017, but you can explore her website for other content)
Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
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Marla Christian knows the pain of walking the tumultuous road alongside a loved one with an addiction. And she knows the deep love of God in the midst of that pain and uncertainty. In today's episode, you'll hear Marla share about parenting a son with the disease of alcoholism and the grief of losing him to that disease. Far from becoming bitter in her grief, Marla's shares her authentic faith in God in the depths of pain. She also shares how God showed up in the words and hands of people around her to be "God with skin on". With grace, humor, and genuine love, Marla's episode will be a gift to anyone on a similar journey.
Rebecca Ortiz and her husband, Joe, were looking forward to welcoming their third child into the family. Towards the end of her pregnancy Rebecca's body was signaling that something wasn't right and their, daughter, Rose Josephine, was born five weeks premature with physical limitations. After months in the NICU until she was stable enough to go home, Rosie's condition was still uncertain and not able to be diagnosed. Rosie just celebrated her first birthday in March and though her condition remains a mystery, she has made slow and small but steady progress in that time. In today's episode you'll get to hear from Becca as she shares her journey of walking out a complicated pregnancy, a tough labor, and an even tougher first year of her baby's life. Through it all, God was and still remains a loving and faithful presence to the Ortiz family as they love and raise Rosie Jo.
Resources mentioned:
The Next Right Thing podcast by Emily P. Freeman -
Name the Narrative episode (15)
What do you do when the rug feels like it has been pulled out from under you? Marisa Wagner learned to look to her Father and cling to the truths in His Word. Marisa's world was rocked to it's core when her father took his own life and, while still reeling with that complicated grief, her younger brother died in a motorcycle accident just six months later. And, yet, through deep and heart wrenching pain, Marisa turned to the one place she knew could be certain of, God's arms. In this episode, you'll hear Marisa recount the story of losses and her story of hope in the Healer of all.
References Mentioned:
Songs:
“Oh God” - Citizens & Saints (the actual song that Marisa mentioned)
“Forever Reign” - Hillsong (The song I thought Marisa was talking about, but it's not. Still a good song that I wanted to link anyways.)
Bible Verses:
SoCal native, Alison Dear, now calls Texas home. The beach-loving wife and mom to four boys never thought that she would live anywhere but near the ocean she holds dear. Her story took a different path after a series of decisions, court battles, and ultimately a cross-country move as a type of safeguard for their family. In this episode, you'll hear Alison's testimony of surrender, obedience, and trust when the choices of other people impacted her family and her life. Before you listen, I want to give you a heads up that parts of Alison’s story may seem a little vague to you and that is intentional. Given the nature of the story that you’ll hear as it unfolds, some of the details have to be withheld for the protection of different parties. I wanted to let you know that upfront and encourage to not let that become a distraction from the impact of Alison’s story. Alison has a powerful story in the midst of really difficult, emotional, and personal circumstances. Allow yourself to hear the God themes of her story instead of the important, but non-essential, details you will hear today. Now, go click play and be blessed by a testimony of hope!
Resources Mentioned:
Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman (a consistent favorite amount my guests!)
Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors
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College sweethearts, Lesley Miller, and her husband, Jonathan, were excited to be welcoming their firstborn child together. The joy of their daughter's arrival was soon shadowed by a cancer diagnosis for Jonathan at the age of 29. Lesley shares the ups and downs of that year of juggling new motherhood while caring for her husband during cancer treatments. She talks about God's faithful presence in their lives and the radical love of the community around them. Today Jonathan is cancer free and the Millers are running around after three children together. With a testimony of resilience, joy, and faithfulness, I know you will be blessed to hear Lesley's story!
Resources/References mentioned in this episode:
"How Not to Say the Wrong Thing" (ring article)
There is No Good Card for This: What to Say and Do when Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Dr. Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell
Psalm 112:7
Book of Ruth
Don't Waste Your Cancer by John Piper
A Shelter in the Time of Storm: Meditations on God and Trouble by Paul David Tripp
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
Proverbs 6:9
Lesley's Spotify playlist to listen to during difficult times (or really anytime!). Mercy in the Storm
Pinterest board of Cancer Resources
And a little shout out to Coffee + Crumbs that Lesley mentioned toward the end. Lesley was the amazing podcast host for Coffee + Crumbs podcast before God called her into a different chapter for her life. You can check out C+C's collaborative blog of motherhood stories as they support and encourage mother's! (I've been a long time fan of C+C myself).
Finally, you can follow Lesley at her blog: lesleym.com which also contains links to her social media accounts.
Thanks for listening!
You can reach Tears of Gold at www.tearsofgold.com
Tears of Gold :: Stories of Hope is back! Thank you for your patience as I prepared for Season Two. I have a great line up of guests ready to share their stories with you and this season opener is an awesome kickstarter!
In this episode I get to interview a very dear woman to me, Mary McBrearty. I have known Mary since I was in high school and now we call her by Nanny Mary. My family is grateful to get to have a local, surrogate grandma in the form of Mary. She loves my children with overflowing joy, love, and patience. And as you'll hear in her sharing, she got to deepen those character traits while raising her own three children. In particular, with her daughter, Christie, who will be a forever child in Mary's life. Far from being bitter about a dependent adult, Mary's story reverberates with a message of God's faithful love, compassion, and provision in her life. Even though I have known Mary for twenty years and seen this story up close, I was moved to joyful tears by Mary's deep and abiding confidence in her heavenly Father.
I am positive you will walk away encouraged, uplifted, and joyful from Mary's story!
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That's it for Season One of Tears of Gold! In this brief episode, I share a few reflections about producing 16 episodes of the podcast. Now I'm taking some time to rest, reflect, learn, and plan for Season Two!
Book mentioned:
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
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As she raised her two children in Huntington Beach, Jill faced the typical challenges that any parent faces. It was not until her daughter, Jesse, was in high school that Jill faced the biggest challenge of her life as a parent. What do you do when your child is not making healthy choices for herself? As Jesse got deeper and deeper in the world of drug addiction, Jill surrounded herself with God's truths as her heart was breaking watching her daughter in that lifestyle. In this episode Jill shares how she walked through the grief of loving a child who was making painful choices. Today Jesse is sober, healthy, happy, and walking with the Lord. I was honored to have Jill share her story on Tears of Gold for this episode. Enjoy!
Book mentioned:
Streams in the Desert by L.B.E. Cowman
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Christina Levasheff had a beautiful and simple life with her husband, young son, and infant daughter. When her 29 month old son, Judson, began to show some atypical physical symptoms, Christina and her husband began the process of seeking medical attention to discover what was going on. After some incorrect diagnoses, Judson was ultimately diagnosed with Krabbe Leukodystrophy Disease, a genetic disease that destroys the white matter in the brain. In just five months, the Levasheffs watched their bright and active two year old lose vision, speech, and all body movements to eventual death. Throughout the short but intense suffering, Judson retained his mental functioning and joy. As with all the stories told through Tears of Gold, this is a story of suffering and heartache, but it is also a story of how God met Christina in her pain. It is a story of how the compassionate Lord gathered her in His arms and comforted her in ways only the good Father can. And how God has taken that pain and transformed it into a ministry of hope to walk alongside others in their pain. Christina and her husband, Drake, and their daughter, Jessie use Judson's Legacy to bless the children and families walking a similar journey they did. I pray you'll be blessed as you hear Christina's sharing in this episode.
Books mentioned during episode:
A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss by Jerry L. Sittser
Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff
Streams in the Desert by L.B.E. Cowman
Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon
There Is No Good Card for This: What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to the People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell
The book Christina wrote about her loss:
Eyes that See: Judson's Story of Hope in Suffering by Christina Levasheff
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When she was pregnant with her third child, Havah Felker was given the news no parents wants to hear - her unborn baby had a genetic disorder and survival odds were minimal. Despite the grief of this knowledge, Havah, her husband, and loved ones never stopped trusting God. Elisha Felker was born into the arms of Jesus on August 9, 2012 via emergency C-section. The harrowing story continued when it was discovered that Havah had been bleeding internally due to a hidden placenta abruption. The fact that Elisha was born through a C-section saved Havah's life because the doctors were able to stop the bleeding when they saw it. God took Elisha into his arms in heaven but He has allowed Havah more time on earth to do his work. And doing that she is! Since Elisha's passing, Havah and her husband have foster-adopted two children in to their family; she is a pastor's wife; cares for people in her community; and testifies about God's goodness in the midst of hardships. Havah's joy is contagious and I hope you enjoy this episode!
Resources mentioned:
If You Say Go - Rita Springer
Healing is Here - Deluge
Unshakeable - Deluge
Heaven is For Real by Thomas Nelson
Story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendo - Daniel 3
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When Anne Dawson's marriage ended in divorce, she found life as she knew it had unraveled in every way imaginable. In the process of healing, Anne allowed God to redefine who she was in Him and what He has called her too. Throughout her sharing, you'll hear things Anne did during the hardest parts and ways God spoke to her. These days you'll find Anne in Nashville with team of people who go into the community to love others through conversations, prayer, and food. Enjoy!
Resources mentioned:
Girls with Swords by Lisa Bevere
Undaunted by Christine Caine
Scripture mentioned:
You can follow Tears of Gold:
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If you or someone you know would like to be considered as a guest on Tears of Gold, fill out a contact form here.
In this episode, I was privileged to have my friend and author, Paul Angone, share his story with me. After graduating from college, Paul walked through a season of wrestling with what life looked like as a 20-something in the process of growing up. God has used Paul's pain in that wrestling to be turned into the purpose He has called Paul to. For the last decade, Paul has been writing and speaking to and for the Millennial generation as they walk through their own journeys of "what now?". With humor, wisdom, and profound insight, throughout our conversation Paul reflected on his experience of that season and encouragement for anyone walking through their own season of wrestling and uncertainty. Enjoy!
You can find Paul at:
or his Twitter account @paulangone.
Paul's books:
All Groan Up : Searching for Self, Faith, and Freaking Job!
Other Resources Mentioned:
Band of Brothers tv series
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Prodigal Son Bible story (Luke 15:11-31)
Walk the Line movie
Man's Search for Meaning book by Victor Frankl
Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
I was honored to interview my friend, Denny Flanagan, for this week's episode. I've known Denny since high school and it was a privilege to get to hear his story and God's working in his life as he walked through waves of grief you'll hear during our time talking together.
Denny experienced his first wave of grief after a hamstring injury interrupted a promising football trajectory for college ball. He wrestled with the loss of a dream and his identity in God while his leg was healing. Soon after graduating from him college, his beloved dad was diagnosed and passed away from bladder cancer. With the grief needing to get out, Denny turned to God and to music to find the words to express the deep heartache of loss. One of Denny's songs is "A Song for Dad" that he wrote from that place of pain. Another more recent loss of a miscarriage of his fourth child solidified how God uses music as a part of Denny's healing process for pain and putting words to song as a form of expression for both himself and others. An in that realization Denny found a calling he wasn't given credit to as a place of deep gladness for himself and meeting a deep hunger for others.
I think you'll really enjoy this episode of hearing Denny share his story. I know I was blessed in talking with him!
Things mentioned in the show:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (NIV)
"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner
Where to listen/read some of Denny's works:
The Royal Mountain blog
The Griffith family was an active, joyful, and well-loved family in their Costa Mesa community. When their middle child, 15-year-old, Emma, was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in 2013, the Griffiths lives were put on an abrupt hold has they did everything in their power to get Emma healed. After a two year battle with the cancer, Emma left this earth and walked into the arms of her Savior on August 4, 2015. In this episode, you will hear from Jenny, Emma's mom, about the heartache of the illness and Emma's passing. But you'll also hear how God was and is working in their hearts and lives to be present with them in the grief. I was honored to have Jenny share her story with me and all of you.
As a head's up, the sound is not the most consistent in regards to volume. You may find yourself adjusting the volume in your car or headset. I apologize for this and thank you for your grace as the podcast is a work in progress!
References to Bible verses mentioned:
Keeping it all in the family for this episode as I interview my brother, Adam Bansmer! In the last episode (08), you heard my story of losing my parents and how God walked me through that. In this episode, you will be hearing from my younger brother, Adam. Though we both lost the same parents, you'll hear how his grief was expressed in ways that were different than mine. In addition to losing our parents, Adam had another layer of grief when his first marriage ended in divorce after a year and half of marriage. By the time he was 30 years old, Adam had been through a divorce and loss of both our parents. Through his grief journey, Adam was confronted with the truths he thought were in the Bible to rediscover what the actual truths were about God and what He promises for His followers. In this episode, you'll hear Adam share how he wrestled with the grief, how people loved on him, and how he ultimately came to the hope available in a life of Christ.
I had fun getting to interview my little brother in this episode and you'll definitely hear a bit of playful digressing at one point....wait for it. ;p I hope you enjoy this episode!
Resources mentioned:
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
Good Grief by Granger E. Westberg
Revelation 21:3-5
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
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My guest this episode is...well, me! It was an odd, but sweet, position to sit in as the guest of my own podcast, but I wanted to share my story more fully with all of you. My husband, Josh, was gracious enough to serve as host as he facilitated our conversation. From my story, you'll hear how I lost my mom to cancer, had a miscarriage, lost my dad to suicide, and lost my maternal grandmother to cancer. All within four years. It was a dark, winter season of grief from 2011-2015. But here's the thing, winter seasons don't last forever and spring always comes. Though I experienced great heartache, I also experienced the patience and compassion of a loving God. And as a result of that suffering, he has provided me with this podcast outlet to allow my tears and your tears to be a treasure for others and bring glory to His name. I hope you are blessed by the story God is writing through my life!
Quote mentioned:
"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's [God] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
-The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis
Song:
Though You Slay Me by Shane and Shane
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Website: www.tearsofgold.com (a work in progress!)
If you or someone you know would be interested in sharing their story through the podcast, please email me at tearsofgold16@gmail.com
On her blog at Just Enough Brave, Katie Blackburn recently wrote, "Being brave is doing exactly what God has asked you to do, and humbly pointing every bit of that work back to the One who sustains it." Boom, mic drop. If that line hooks you, you are going to enjoy this episode with Katie. The girl overflows with the joy of the Lord and her love of Jesus. God is writing an epic story of a little boy who has autism and the family who loves him. Autism can be tricky and confusing and frustrating...a lot. But through it all, Katie shares how God is guiding them, loving them, and granting them just enough braveness to walk each day with Him on this road. Click play for an encouraging and hopeful story that involves special needs, a humble mama, and a big God.
Books Katie mentioned:
The Life We Never Expected: Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs by Andrew and Rachel Wilson
The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul
You can follow Katie's story at:
Just Enough Brave blog
Instragram: @katiemblackburn
Debby is getting married this July and her joy for this new chapter in her life is exciting. But also overshadowing the celebrations is the knowledge of a missing person - her mom. Debby's mom passed away from breast cancer 12 years ago when Debby was 25. In this episode you'll hear how Debby has navigated life since her mom has been gone. With vulnerability and courage, Debby kept moving forward each day and learned new ways of caring for herself and caring for others. I believe you will be blessed by Debby's heartfelt sharing and wisdom.
I know from the title this sounds like a major downer of an episode, but I assure you it's not. Joel and Samantha Brandt have walked through heartache few of us know but their hope, faith, and joy overflow in our conversation together. When pregnant with their first child, Joel and Samantha learned at the anatomy scan that their daughter was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. Delivered at 38 weeks after her heart stopped beating, the Brandts held Reagan for the first and last time. Grieving their loss while hoping to still add to their family, Joel and Samantha tried to get pregnant again for a year and, for still unknown reasons, were not able to conceive. They turned to the adoption process to help create their family and were excited to bring home son, Tucker Cole, in early January 2017. In this podcast, you'll hear from both Joel and Samantha as they share their story of loss and hope. And you'll hear little Tucker chime in at one point! Their waiting arms are now filled with a gift from the Lord.
Resources mentioned: